The month of December in 2022 saw the tragic demise of a very vibrant entertainer, former “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” co-executive producer, and a loving father to three beautiful children-Stephen “tWitch” Boss. Hiding behind that bright persona and jovial performer were struggles not even his loved ones, especially Allison Holker, had ever thoughtfully captured.
Holker, who was married to Boss for nine years, recently spoke out about the aftermath following his tragic death and the revelations that came afterward. A journey of pain, reflective days, and a will to shed light on mental health struggles have marked her journey thus far.
A Painful Discovery During a Heartbreaking Time
It wasn’t until shortly after Boss’s death by suicide at age 40 that Holker says she found the first hidden signs of his internal battle. While preparing for his funeral, she found a hidden collection of substances in their closet. The things in it, she had to look up to identify. She was shocked and heartbroken.
This was everything changed for Holker. She had to face the reality of her husband’s pain that he had hidden so skillfully and somehow try to marry a man she thought she knew with one who struggled in private. “It was a moment that made me realize how much he had been silently carrying,” Holker shared.
Piecing Together the Puzzle
After his death, Holker looked to Boss’s personal journals for answers and clarity as a part of her healing process. She says she learned from his writings how he had struggled with his childhood trauma and self-medicated through substance use.
Still, it dawned on her how much of his life he really had not talked about throughout their marriage. “He was struggling so much and just didn’t want to burden anybody else,” she reflected.
The dichotomy between Boss’s public persona and his private torment spoke to one man trying hard to balance the expectations associated with being a father and husband against heartaches that had festering wounds from an earlier time in his life.
Moving into Action with Intention
What began as a grief response for Holker has evolved into a mission to raise awareness about mental health and the importance of seeking help. She hopes that by sharing her own story in the upcoming memoir, “This Far: My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light”, others will open up about their struggles and seek support before it’s too late.
But her advocacy doesn’t stop there. The most Holker can do, she says, is provide resources to people in need through organizations like the National Alliance of Mental Illness. She believes having a culture that openly communicates and understands each other is key to fighting silent battles.
Sharing her experience, to Holker, is more than healing; it is about people out there knowing they are not alone. She advised that going to seek help was not a weakness but one important step toward healing.
As Holker prepares to publish her memoir this February, her story is a timely reminder of the empathy and awareness so vital in stemming the tide of mental health struggles. She wants her loss to help spur a broader conversation about vulnerability, healing, and the bravery needed to confront the darker aspects of our personality.
